In early June, my husband and I celebrated our 63rd Wedding Anniversary.
“Where did the time fly?” I thought.
As I looked around at all those celebrating with us, I could clearly see where the time had gone; time had landed with my grown children and young adult grandchildren sitting beside us. I thought,
“How grateful I am for this moment.”
As we chatted and laughed during dinner, one of the lovely, and intelligent young ladies at the table
leaned forward and asked,
“Tell us how you did it?” [63 years]
It was a sincere and loving question.
Of course, I thought, “We were gifted by God to be given those years,” and then I answered,
1. “You will grow over the years; grow together.”
2. “Have a sense of humor.”
3. “And stress the good in each other.”
The words just flew out.
I do believe my guardian angel had a lot to do with it,
because when I gave further thought to the question,
the same three thoughts came to mind.
# 1 Grow Together
Of course, you will keep your individuality, but
the values and substance you bring to each other
should grow with consistent strength.
I was pretty immature during early marriage.
I had a lot to learn and I didn’t know what I didn’t know,
which added up to authentic ignorance.
What I did intuit was, I was about to start a life learning journey.
I discovered friends who were wiser and admirable;
I learned from them.
These women were respectful to all around them, particularly their husbands. When you choose a spouse who has intellect, a sound moral compass, and family values, he/she deserves your respect,
that little seedling of thought found its way into my thinking; it would
would grow over the years.
The decades of parenting found us devotedly teaching our children to learn, to love, and to be kind people who were worthy of respect.
As we were watching this loved family garden grow, the time flew by. Amidst family moments, which is part of the love factor, we really liked each other, enjoyed each other’s company, and found each other laughing - often - at each other’s foibles or simply fun filled incidences.
My family is quite comedic.
Our girls know how to spin real situations
into stand up comedy; they rotate who is the comedian and who is the laughing audience.
We find each other hilarious.
Not everyone would agree,
but we have a good old time!
#2 Humor
I would say my young self took herself too seriously.
The older me, after decades of parenting, teaching, and simply living, learned to laugh at herself whenever she could.
I remember a much younger me
being upset in a nail salon,
taking an oath never to go back.
A couple of months later, there I stood in the same salon.
“Helene,” someone said,“What happened?
I thought you were never coming back?”
I answered, “I got over myself.”
She laughed and so did I.
I think we also begin to realize life is composed of stories;
I think Michelle Obama said that in her autobiography, as well as a friend of mine who is a novelist. And while some stories can be difficult, think of how many moments and stories become laughable with time.
My husband and I often laugh at our lack of hearing moments.
He says one thing,
I hear another, and
we both branch off to laughing over
the new conversation that emerges.
We do have to get some good hearing aids!!!!!!!!
When laughter can prevail, it’s definitely a good thing.
Endorphins are released,
your immune cells are increased, and
infection-fighting antibodies help your body resist disease.
And those endorphins I mentioned?
They give you an overall sense of well-being.
Thus, your sense of humor can transform you into a positive person spreading well-being to yourself and all those around you.
#3 Stress The Good In All Around You
As a teacher, I think I always understood that you accent the positive in your students.
My emotional involvement with family, however, blurred my vision.
By the time our children came along, I had learned to be respectful of all the good in my husband. I value love, loyalty, and diligence, so does he.
But in raising children, I was eager to see immediate results.
I do this, my children do it, and everybody’s happy .
YIKES! How naive was I?
We stressed school and good grades, as a teacher, how could I not?
I wanted them to date only the loveliest people, and when I thought they didn’t, they tell me those dates thought I was Godzilla.
After a social or educational moment went awry, I would go to school the next day and go on and on to a friend [and colleague] at work about the boy that was dated or the received grade not up to my standards.
My good friend would laugh; she still laughs when we reminisce. Do you remember “The Perils of Pauline?” Well, my tales must have sounded like that to my colleague who would go into gales of laughter as I expunged my motherly concerns.
Was it my turn to be a standup comedian? Maybe.
My children did grow up to be people I really like and respect for their choices and and their accomplishments; I know that is a Divine blessing.
If I had to do any self-editing during those memorable 63 years, I would have sprinkled my earlier self with some wisdom, patience, and faith.
I do thank God for sending His guidance through the wise friends and dear husband He gave me, as well as a knock-your-socks off Divine intervention every now and then.
So to my very dear young lady who asked that most poignant question, “What is the secret of 63 years of marriage ?”
I would conclude exactly with the thoughts stated at the beginning of this blog:
Grow together and in the same direction.
Keep your sense of humor about yourself and loved ones, remembering laughter is really very healthy for you!
Stress all that is good in each other and
all that is good in your children and later in life,
your grandchildren.
And Thank God for being in your life.
Have a great summer!